UNDERPANTMAN

Forgive me now as I may very well offend those amongst us who have Virginia Woolfe posters on their walls and Germaine Greer texts on their coffee table. Now, I’m aware that at any poetry evening the chances of this being a disproportionate percentage of the audience is very high but there is a very serious matter that I need to bring to your attention.

Whilst I am a man, who will never understand the pain of childbirth
Nor the discomfort of your monthly cycle
The imbalances of power in the workplace, unfair wages etc
There is something in our world,
The world of men, that far outweighs the disadvantages of Femininity
Namely, The problems with delicate and ineffective Jizm

That’s right!

There is no excusing,
No refusing,
No declining,
No denying,
Mine (and yours, by the looks of it) terrible plight.
Some of our underpants too tight!

Or, if our boxer shorts are too loose,
We risk doing harm to our kiddie-mousse
Oh, Do not spurn
The damage to my sperm.
As we speak
My semen are becoming weak.
Every future child
Is growing wild.
I can hear the scream
Of each of my baby cream,
So, If you see a man in a funk
Understand he has insufficient spunk
Woman, spare a thought
For his dying white-aquanauts

Have some faith, Men,
Listen well to me,
Throw your undies out
And set your semen free.